Tips for first dates.

A first date can be a pleasurable discovery of someone special or your worst nightmare.

While some of us have had a romantic first date like something out of a Hollywood movie, I know I’m not the only one who has found themselves looking at their watch with eager anticipation for it to be over.

There’s that old saying – first impressions last. You can’t change the person you’re on the date with, but you can ensure you make an excellent first impression.

So from my personal experiences, I’ve taken it upon myself to share a few simple rules for a successful first date…

It goes without saying first impressions count, so remember hygiene. No one really wants to smell the clothes you’ve been wearing all day! Unless that’s their kink. The odd shower in a can may work, but do you really want to face that awkward moment if you end up back at theirs and your jocks are smelling of sweat?

Watch your breath. It’s been proven that stress and nerves can cause bad breath. It’s hard on a first date not to be overwhelmed by nerves. This little problem can easily be solved with a piece of gum or a breath mint. By chewing or sucking, you get the saliva flowing again with a minty scent to your breath. This also goes without saying, remember to brush your teeth beforehand.

Punctuality. Don’t get me wrong, it’s okay to be fashionably late, but when your potential is waiting an hour and a half, don’t expect them to be overly pleased, especially if you didn’t have the decency to at least drop the potential a line first. Also, don’t be too early. Nothing is worse than rocking up only to find out your date has been there for a few hours drinking the bar’s top shelf completely empty.

This brings me to watch what you drink. Having a few drinks is all very good, but be wary of your intoxication levels. I remember one time having to hold a guy’s head up on the first date in the toilets of the restaurant while he vomited out his entire day’s consumption into the porcelain bowl and on my brand-new shoes.

Try to avoid endlessly talking about your ex. The last thing a new potential wants to hear is how hung up you are on an ex or how much of a significant A-hole he/she may have been. This also includes conquests in the bedroom. You might be fantastic at going down on someone but remember, “show, don’t tell”.

I once had a guy tell me how great he was in the bedroom, and it was one of those rare occasions when I did go home on the first night, only to be greatly disappointed. Turns out he was overcompensating for his skills, experience and size. Awkward!

While discussing avoiding ex-talk, don’t endlessly talk about yourself. While sharing a bit about yourself is great, your date doesn’t need your whole life story. At least give them a little taste here and there. The fact of the matter is first dates are for getting to know each other. It’s not just about you.

This brings me to my next point. Be discerning in what you share. While it’s good to be open, do you really need to share the news that you had anal bleaching the day before or that it’s that time of the month and your pelvis is throbbing with all types of pain?

Now there are many more tips for a first date – I’m sure you have more to provide in the comments section below – but I’ll leave you with this final and most important one.

Have an escape plan. Nothing is worse than feeling like a caged animal. Say you’ve tried to make it the best first date possible, and things have gone from bad to downright disastrous, and you’re left with two options: grin and bear it or escape. There is an endless list of how to escape a bad first date, but this would have to be my favourite.

For this to work, always have your mobile phone on your person. When things go from bad to worse, subtly prank your best mate and wait for them to call. Excuse yourself while you answer the phone. The last thing you want to do is come across as rude. While your best mate asks what is up, you reply with, “Insert name needs help now with what? An emergency?” Say it just loudly enough that your date hears, then ramble on that you’ll be there as soon as possible. Your best mate should already be used to it, and if not, just keep rambling anyway.

Then you hang up, and you turn to face your date. The fact of the matter is your date would have been eavesdropping, so all the dirty work is done. Keep the charade up, apologise that you must leave, and let out a massive sigh of relief when you walk out the door!