7 things I wished I knew before having sex for the first time.

Sex is a peculiar thing. Depending on where you’re at in life, really depends on how you view it. No matter how old you are, where you might be from, even whether it was good or bad. There’s no denying that for most, your first time is an experience you’ve never forgotten.

Looking back on my first time, and I’m sure I’m not alone, there were things I wished I had known before having sex for the first time. Yes, some of these might be a little more aimed at the act of gay sex, but I’m sure some of you heterosexual peeps would also agree with some of the other points.

If you’re yet to have sex, you might actually get something out of this. For those who already have, be prepared for a trip down memory lane.

1. It doesn’t always have to be with someone special.

Many tend to believe that you must lose your virginity to someone “special.” Time to face reality. It’s highly likely the first person you have sex with won’t be the person you spend the rest of your life with.

As much as we would like to live in a beautiful, heart-warming coming-of-age flick with a happy ending, it doesn’t always happen that way. My first time was with a guy who, thirty minutes after I arrived home, called me up and said he was getting back with his ex-boyfriend.

There are many people out there, whether a guy or girl, who will simply push you away after doing the deed no matter how long you’ve known them. Whether they are your first or your hundredth, having sex with someone doesn’t miraculously bond the pair of you for life.

What bonds two people together is love. Sex is merely an act of love or in some cases, just an itch that needs to be scratched. It really depends on who the person is. Now I’m not suggesting that you have to go out and have sex with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. That is unless you want to and that’s also completely fine. But if you’re going to wait and share it with someone special, that is your choice, and no one has the right to take that away from you.

2. There’s more than just Missionary.

Blame Hollywood for this one! Whether it’s American Pie or the latest coming-of-age rom-com, they all share the same idea. I believe missionary as the number one position for someone who is having sex for the first time is the standard that the film industry has forced upon us.

Sex is expected to be fun and not always meant to leave you in tears… unless that’s your thing. Like a box of chocolates, there’s a variety of different positions that you can try and taste. If one isn’t working for you, don’t be afraid to ask and switch it up.

3. Doggy Style isn’t the only way to have gay sex.

A few years back, one of my friends was surprised when I told her that gay people have more than one sex position. Bless her innocent soul. Undoubtedly, doggy style is one of the most popular sex positions. The adult film industry loves it, and it’s usually pleasurable for all parties involved. However, it can get a little dull doing the same thing repeatedly.

I remember being first shown the “legs over the shoulders” position. It blew me away in more ways than one. Experiment. Mix things up. You’d be surprised how sometimes doing things differently will take you to new heights… and moans of pleasure.

4. The first time can be a little awkward and painful.

Candlelit dinners and walks under the stars, I’m sure most people wanted their first time to be something of a cliched romance movie. In most cases they are… that is up until things transition into the bedroom.

Sorry to rain on your parade, but all the effort into creating the perfect romantic night pretty much becomes useless once the two of you lie down to do the deed. Because 99% of the time, the first time will always be awkward. Extremely awkward.

But that’s okay. Your first time does not have to be perfect. Mine wasn’t, and in most cases, neither were my friends. Generally, they were more funny, awkward and off-rhythm experiences that we found ourselves laughing about afterwards. For instance, take my first time. He had never topped before and made weird squealing pig sounds while my head banged against the bedhead.

Depending on your own anatomy, your partner’s experience and their penis size, and various other factors, sex can be a little painful at first. If it’s not the “pleasant” pain, then DO NOT BE AFRAID to pause for a moment to get comfortable or stop altogether. Most of the time, pain is a signal from your body saying it needs more lubrication, foreplay or even a little bit more time to adjust. This is okay!

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there are many out there who experienced that beautiful first-time movie moment. I just haven’t met them yet.

5. Sex will smell.

It’s only expected that heavy breathing, sweat, and semen combined would give off a particular “Aroma.” Then we have other parts of the body that give off particular smells, such as the groin, armpits, anus, and so forth. I really don’t need to explain these, but enough friction no matter where the body is being poked or prodded, it will always give off a specific scent. It’s only natural.

When the first time comes around. Your nostrils will be flooded with a variety of newfound smells. Rather than trying to work out where they come from. Just don’t. Try to have fun, and over time you will get the gift of being able to decipher which scent comes from where.

However, one last thing, If it smells beforehand, it’s okay to make them shower or flee!

6. You might come too soon and that’s okay.

There’s no sugarcoating here. Likely, during your first time, you will inevitably come too soon. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this might happen also again after your first time.

The reason why this happens is that you are over-excited. If it’s your first time entering a vagina, anus or mouth. You’ve most likely been waiting for this moment for a long time. With it finally happening, it’s no surprise that you can’t control yourself.

Rather than overthink it and ruin the moment, shrug it off and just go with it. Remember, sex is like riding a bicycle. Practice makes perfect.

7. Sex gets better.

Most people will tell you, sex will get better after your first time, and the truth of the matter is it does! Sex is life. It’s about tackling the ups and downs, exploring what makes you happy and trying new things.

Since my first time, I’ve had some great sex, and I’ve also had some rather mediocre sex. Each time is different. Work out what rocks your boat and what doesn’t. What may not have worked with one person doesn’t mean it won’t work with the next. There is nothing wrong with telling someone what you like during sex or even asking what they prefer. Communication is the key. But always remember only ever go as far with someone as you’re willing to go.

So these are 7 things I wished I knew before having sex for the first time. I’m sure you’ve got a few extras to add. Do so in the comments below.

In the meantime, here are a few extras from some of my friends.

“Sex in pornos is misleading. Unless you’re a pro gymnast or a pilates expert, you’re going to hurt something.”

“If you’re not a fan of douching, a high-fiber diet will sort you out most of the time.”

“Good head game can cover a multitude of sins as long as they cup.”

“It doesn’t matter how big the dick is, just as long as they know how to use it.”

“Not everyone likes a finger up the bum. Always ask first.”

“Afraid of getting soft? You can never have enough foreplay.”

[Originally published via GoHakka]

Title Image Credit New Africa – stock.adobe.com