Okay I did have my birthday a few weeks ago, but seriously since then everything has been lil chaotic, especially concerning people.
I don’t know what it is, but it is like something recently snapped inside and I’m just done. I’ve always been the kind of person to put a lot of time and effort into people, and at time even people I really couldn’t stand, but as of lately it is as if I’ve reached the end of it all.
People seem to see me as someone of convenience, someone that they feel they can call on whenever they want. God forbid I might have needs. Saturday I was hanging with someone who was fine to ask for a drink here and there, but soon as he could get his tongue down a guys throat he was off for a round of tonsil hockey until he was thirsty for another drink and would return. Oh yes I do pretend I’m dumber then I am and let this happen a few times. Why? Simple you find out who your true friends are and ones that just use you for convenience. Such as there is another friend who for instance tonight I was having a txt conversation with and mentioned I was going away for a bit. They were like I’m gonna miss you, and I reply with you actually have to see me to miss me. The fact was we hadn’t hung out in person for quite a few weeks. So they then they reply with this…
yeah but knowing I still have u close means a lot more to me
Now this is gonna sound heartless, but am I expected to be in arm’s reach of everyone else so they can be happy in their lives? It’s also like recently when a friend who I did kind of like started dating another guy, I’m meant to be fine with that etc of which I was but the minute I started showing interest in another I was suddenly getting the “I hope nothing changes” txt messages. Of which I personally felt was completely out of line considering I hadn’t done that when he started dating his boyfriend. Its hilarious really, this whole situation reminds me when I previously saw a “straight” guy on and off for a year and half (save that debate for a later time!), it was kind of like he wanted a slice but not the whole cake if you get what I mean? Oh and its not just one person claiming to be a friend it is a few.
Maybe I’m also a lil peeved that I’ve had a bit of shit going on in my own life that they don’t seem to really show any interest in, but I’m expected to listen to everything that theyve got going on? Aren’t friendships meants to be about a bit equal give and take on both sides? People need to learn to stop being so dependant on other people, get a bit of self dependance, stop looking at everyone around you as tools of convenience, these people have emotions just like you and lets be honest you wouldn’t like being treated this way so what gives you the right to treat others like it?
The fact is guys I’m a little over being Mr Convenience, and yes I know I’m partly to blame for it, but that is all changing, yes some might not like it and all I have to say to them is tough shit! As Pink sings “I’m not here for your entertainment”, I’m not going to be given out in slices! You either want the whole cake or move along and grab a cupcake of the next shelf!