There’s something funny about wakes…

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There's something funny about wakes

It’s always sad saying goodbye to a loved one. I’ve been to quite a few funerals and with that comes the afterparty AKA the Wake. Add mourning with an assortment of different people, mix in copious amounts of alcohol and what often results is a rather unique experience. I recently attended a funeral and wake and I couldnt help but notice I was in the company  of what I call some of the “usual suspects.”

I’ve decided to list a few below:


The “Look at Me”: Often coming in through form of a relative or in-law. This particular “usual suspect” always seem to make it all about themselves. If they’re not directly related to the person that has passed away, they are even more insistant on taking the spotlight and feel they seem to know everything and anything and are determined to let people know it too. They’re usually the sole cause for any argument that takes place.

The “Alternative One”: This would have to be one of my favourites as they are always guaranteed to be hours of entertainment. Often they are unashamed and always seem to ruffle a few feathers among the “proper folk” attending. They often bring up conversation topics that some might consider inappropriate. Such as those concerning bowl movements, sex, politics and religion. Without fail they leave at least a few attendees feeling rather awkward and red with embarrassment.

The “Emotional Partner”: While it’s understandable that the partner of someone who has passed away is emotional, what I don’t quite understand is the partner of someone who is related to the person who has passed away being overly emotional. While I understand dealing with loss can be rather stressful, but there’s a time and place to talk about relationship struggles and well, in my opinion a wake is not one of them.

The “Free Loader”: Without a doubt, there’s always at least one of them. They claim to be attending to show their respects and also to be there as moral support. However, you can see right through them when they’re  constantly helping themselves to the alcohol like it is the end of the world. Not to mention they constantly bludge everyone else’s cigarettes. Also when something goes missing, 99% of the time the “Free Loader” is the one to talk to.

The “Tear Jerker”: This “usual suspect” seems hell bent on brining on the water works so that others join in, just so they can then say they’re supporting their friends. For instance, everyone could be laughing and the “Tear Jerker” comes along and suddenly everyone is a  blubbering mess and the “Tear Jerker” is saying “It’s ok to cry” and then continues to explain how people should be free to cry while also rambling about how life is beautiful, and being a shoulder to cry on.

The “Horny Waker”: It’s been said that funerals/wakes are the number one place to pick up next to weddings, and what I’ve noticed, it’s so true. Emotions are high and people turn to sex for comfort… or to simply get their rocks off. Once they’ve got the idea that they’re going to get laid nothing will step in the way, even if it is the bedroom of  the person who has passed away.

The “Party Animal”: There’s not much to say about this “usual susect”, however you can always guarantee they will be there to not only get the party started, but will also be there until the party finishes. To say they are the life of the party is simply an understatement. Curious to know who they are? Just look out for the person starting up a  drinking game or spin the bottle.

These are just a few of the usual suspects, and I’m sure you have a few that you could add to the list. While some might consider a majority of these to be innaporiate, I can’t help but ask what would a wake be like without them.

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Author: Chad St James

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