Sometimes we say things that we really shouldn’t. We’re all guilty of it. I mean you would really be kidding yourself if you said you didn’t. Often we say things in the heat of the moment full of all various levels of emotion. Does it justify it? No, not really. Recently I fell out with someone that I used to call a best friend. The door is now well and truly shut and I won’t lie a part of that is very much because of some things I said. But as the old saying goes it does take two to tango so I really can’t take all the credit.
I’d like to say I’m a pretty nice person. A lot of people seem to think highly off me. Not sure if that’s a good a thing or not. It seems to come with high expectations of me that I sometimes feel I just can’t meet. At the core I’m human like everybody else and because of that I’m fundamentally flawed like everybody else. However there was one argument with this person that saw me say some pretty heartless things. Needless to say a few days after I was like “Shit Chad, that was beyond harsh!”
Am I sorry for saying those things? Well yes I am. But am I sorry for being made to feel that I should say those things? Well no. Here’s the thing generally people don’t go out to hurt people. If they do they’re poor excuses for human beings and at the end they will die very lonely people. But lets be honest, there’s only a certain amount of hurt a person can take before they react out of hurt. It’s somewhat animalistic. It’s like a dog being backed into corner by another dog, you feel like you have to bite first before you get bitten. Don’t get me wrong there’s a fine line there that risks being crossed at any point.
I don’t mean to justify myself. Because what I said was pretty harsh and I now have to deal with the consequences of that.But it has to be said when you feel like you’ve constantly been taken for granted, treated as a convenience and not to mention the hurt that has built up over months, something is bound to give way. I’d be kidding myself if I said that one argument destroyed the friendship because with all honesty it was already in tatters before that. It had become toxic on both sides. Perhaps it was me subconsciously thinking I do not want this any more in my life and this was the only way to properly end it. Shit we had already going around in circles for some time. I do think that night the door of friendship was firmly closed shut.
Will it open again? Probably not. Instead I choose to remember the good times, because there were many of them, and also to learn from the many great lessons that came with that friendship. So yes, there’s a lot to be thankful for, and in my personal opinion more to be thankful than not. Sometimes in life certain things have to come to an end so new things can be brought into it.
So yes I’m sorry for the things that have been said and the hurt that has been caused, but I am not sorry for being made to feel that those things had to be said.