Maybe I’m just exhausted from work, college, and every day life. Perhaps I’m just in a mood or it could even be that it’s like 4 am in the morning and my tired mind is just running a little of the beaten track. Sometimes I long for an escape. About three years ago I really didn’t give that much of a damn about most things. I was too busy partying, getting trashed, numbing my thoughts with chemicals and alcohol. While it was fun, the escape was only ever temporary.
Something changed though. Maybe it was last year attending my firs rally for marriage equality when I saw a group fully grown men using the name of Christ to condemn and insult a group of teenagers, some barely thirteen. I didn’t care what they had to say to me, but something within was saying “This isn’t right, these kids don’t deserve this. Someone needs to stand up for them.” It was this little voice that caused me to clash head on with these so-called “men of god.” I wonder if that’s where it all changed for me. Was it then that I finally found something worth fighting for?
A lot has happened since then, Somehow amongst all this some have said I have become a role model, someone that inspires others, someone that people look up to, someone that people share their problems with. On a weekly basis I have at least one person share suicidal thoughts with me, another who cries because they don’t feel accepted by their family, another who feels so scared to go to school because they’re afraid of being bullied. Some of these people I have never even met in person, but I still try to be there for them and provide encouragement in any way I can. On top of this, I study, I work, I write for a couple of websites. However, every so often I find myself exhausted, drained and wonder where my next bit of energy will come from.
Sometimes I just want to run away, start over fresh, but I feel too many people depend on me. So instead I turn to DVDs, retail therapy, walking the streets late at night, sitting by the river watching as the boats gently float by, I meet and get to know people in the hope that they show me something different and new. Every so often each of these provide me with a break from my own reality.
I love my life but sometimes I just long for an escape.