Sometimes all you’re left with, is to…
Recently life has been a bit of a struggle and well I’m writing this post for two reasons, 1. I need to vent and 2. To show we’re all human. I pride myself on being a strong person, but recently I’ve come to realise even the strongest people can have their times of weakness. I suppose one cannot not know what it’s like to be truly strong if one has never been truly weak. Everyone has a breaking point, and recently I discovered mine or should I say at least one of them. So what’s brought me to this point of typing this emo-esque post?
I guess you could probably call it a series of unfortunate events. I have a tendency to keep myself busy and that leads to running myself physically and emotionally into the ground. I think sometimes my own need to succeed outruns my own capabilities as a human being. A recent group project has pretty much nearly turned me off my college course. After so many dramatic relationships I learnt that I can actually have one without the drama, I mean it’s hard when you’re so used to things going wrong not to freak out when things are actually really good. I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s gone through this, but it’s a lesson I may have learnt just a bit too late. Then to top it off this particular person going through a bit of a tough time and not knowing what to do is kinda killing me on the inside. I’m missing my best friend who recently moved away. I’ve recently ended my events that a huge part of my identity came from. I loved providing a platform to help others and put them in the spotlight. To suddenly no longer have that feels bloody strange while at the same time I feel somewhat relieved that I may now have more time for myself. Now I’m left to questioning my purpose and direction. I’ve always ran around being the happy Chad, you know the one that makes everyone smile, etc. I have had to deal with the reality that I can no longer hide behind that front, It’s just completely exhausting. All this added with my recent breakdown, one might say I’m at a transitional period in my life. I guess I’m just reevaluating my life at the moment.
When you’ve spent so long being a certain way and then it’s suddenly stripped away, it’s as if you’re left with a blank canvas, with no option but to slap a new coat of paint on.
I hate not having the answers, I hate not being the strong Chad who has it all together or at least seems too. Most of all I hate this feeling of vulnerability. People we’re human, embrace the good and the bad times, to be strong you have to know what it’s like to be weak. It is truly in these times of struggle that brings strength and in turns builds your character.So where does this leave me? It can be summed up in one word. A word that is no stranger to the life that I lived so far and will continue to live. It is the word