Someone Like You.
Straight up, I’m feeling a bit emo at the moment. Don’t worry I’m not about to go and play with razors, I like my skin mostly blemish free with the exception of my tattoos. Life as of late, has kinda been a bit shitty. It’s like that old saying, “If it doesn’t rain, it pours.” I think sometimes we make decisions in haste caught up in the present emotions, only to then regret them in hindsight. Life can be a bit of a bitch that way. A little while back, I broke up with someone for a few reasons. Looking back now, the reality dawned on me, that they probably weren’t the best reasons. So I feel like venting and sharing a few thoughts. Don’t how this will translate but meh, we all need a good vent sometimes.
Past relationships always seem to haunt us in some way. It’s virtually impossible to move forward without a previous one having some kind of effect on a future one. This is kinda what happened with me. When I found myself in a relationship with someone who was nothing like any of my previous ex-boyfriends, I didn’t know how to deal with it. I wasn’t being treated like a piece of meat, I wasn’t being used to benefit him at my own emotional expense and everything just seem to go naturally without very little effort. Why couldn’t I deal with this? I think it comes down to this, I am so used to a dramatic relationship that it scared the shit out of me that for the first time that I was actually happy. So what do I go and do? I run from it. I’m pretty sure there is some kind of irony to be found there. There’s a few more things to go with that story, but then it can all be summed down to this, I hate feeling vulnerable.
So anyways, I recently told the guy what was going through my head and that yes I still have feelings for him. Now there was this very tiny part of me that was a clichéd romantic that hoped he would have said the same thing but alas my life isn’t a gay romance novel. He feels right now he needs a break from relationships, which I can kinda understand. He did find himself in one with me, straight after he broke up with his ex. Yes before you roll your eyes, it just felt natural and the right thing to do. A part of me does feel I may have missed my chance. Once more I find myself with the thought, “Sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them go.” We’re still good friends, which I’m glad for. I mean how can you love someone and not be able to settle with just being friends? I guess Adele’s Someone Like You really pulls the heart strings at the moment.
“Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don’t forget me, I beg
"I’ll remember", you said,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead”
I could dwell on the fact, that I did make a stupid decision, but then that’s dwelling on the past, something that I cannot change. I suppose there’s no point stressing about the future either, because it hasn’t happened yet. Which really only leaves me with the present. At the end of the day the one thing that controls us, and the one thing that there really is no point in fighting, is the fact that it’s all a matter of timing.