Losing your V plates, popping your cherry, being deflowered, there is a big expectation that when one loses their virginity that it’s going to be like the movies, all roses and chocolates with big explosions in the sky like the fireworks over Sydney Harbour during New Years.
The reality is, it’s not always like that. I’d like to say my first time was perfect. It was anything but.
Let me share a story with you. I was a bit of a cliché romantic, I believed in saving sex for that special someone. You know, get married, consummate on the wedding night, sharing that first time with that special person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with.
The problem was, I thought that special person was going to be a girl that I had dating for a few years. On the night that I had a ring in my back pocket, rather then a proposal I told her I thought I might be gay. So needless to say that had put a big stop sign on that relationship.
At the age of 21 I was left with the harsh reality that I was gay and it was illegal for homosexuals to get married, suddenly being the cliché romantic was no longer an option, sooner or later I was going to have to try it, and that came in the form of a guy who for confidentiality’s sake let us call him Sicilian guy.
We were introduced through some mutual friends, and we hit it off pretty well, we shared a fondness for Buffy and movies in general, and working at the Byron Bay cinemas, I had an endless supply of free tickets, so the two of us decided to see Spy Kids 3D.
After suffering the boredom of one of the worst movies of all time, it worked in my favour. We went back to Sicilian guy’s place and had a spliff. Problem number 1. I do not recommend, your first time being under the influence, you should always be in control of what you’re doing.
He said he had a bit of a sore back and that was his subtle hint that he’d like a massage. Being talented in such things, I complied with his needs and it wasn’t long before he turned around and asked if we wanted to have sex. Thinking that I may as well try it, and why not with a hot 19 year old, I said yes.
I’ll be straight up with you, the most I had ever done with someone was kiss which brings us to problem number 2. A little bit of education into the gay sex life can go quite a long way. He said he wanted to top me. At first I thought it may have been some kind of fetish, he then proceeded to explain to me the difference between topping and bottoming. He had never topped before and well since I had done neither, I thought why not experience something new together.
It was then that I discovered lube and that gay sex wasn’t as easy as just sticking it in. I also discovered that people who are predominantly bottoms don’t make the best tops and it is highly advisable to be positioned in a way where your head doesn’t keep hitting against the bed head. What was even more awkward then the pain shooting through my body was the sound that he was making that rather resembled a grunting pig.
It was quite the unique experience. Half an hour after I had gotten home, J had called me up to inform me he was getting back with his ex-boyfriend. I now had my L plates on, and I realised that day that there was definitely a lot to be learnt in regards to gay sex and gay interaction in general.
Some people like to sleep around with as many different people as possible while others prefer to save that kind of intimacy with someone of meaning. I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you feel that your first time should be with someone special, then save it for that person.
Your body is your temple and at the end of the day, too much worshipping might leave it in ruins, so preserve it for the worthy.
P.S. On a side note, the sex does get better.
Rehab For The Fabulous: The rants of a somewhat fictional character.