My First Kiss


I’ve recently been invited to fly down to New South Wales in October and catch with a group of girls I went to high school with. Needless to say I plan to as it’s been over 10 years since I’ve seen any of them. Looking back over the years, I’ve surprised myself how much I’ve changed,  so I’m very curious to see where life’s journey has taken each of them. One of these girls in particular I’m really looking forward to catching up with is actually an ex girlfriend of mine, that over the years I still hold a special spot for. She was my first kiss.  So let’s have a little bit of story time.

So there was this girl who had the nickname Penguin. Can’t quite remember how she got the name.  Perhaps she liked penguins or something. If I remember correctly she may have even had pyjamas with penguin print.  Well anyway we became friends in high school and after we graduated I went of for a year at bible school and 3 months in Papua New Guinea, when I came back well one thing led to another and to the surprise of both of us,  we ended up dating. I was yet to come out of the closet a few years later, so I guess you could say I was still living in denial.

Well on our one month anniversary, my 19th birthday to be precise, we decided to have nachos at the Great Australian Ice Creamery and then see as Lurhman’s Moulin Rouge. Nothing beats a good romantic movie to get you in the mood. As we were waiting for her dad to pick her up from the train station I remember thinking about how to make the first move.  It wasn’t until we were actually standing in the headlights of her dad’s  car that I got the bravery to lean in and I think I remember every so softly whispering “Can I kiss you?” Our lips met and it may have only been a short kiss, but it felt like fireworks were exploding overhead.  I remember as we parted Penguin was bright red with the biggest grin on her face.

A few months later we broke up,  I was dealing with some personal issues and didn’t think it was right to be in a relationship with someone while I was working through those. And looking back on it all now I was also really struggling with my sexuality and didn’t want to to admit to who I really was.  However, I don’t regret that relationship or that kiss in the slightest. It was young love, and I believe it is better to have loved then not love at all.

A little while back I caught up with Penguin and had a pretty long chat online. A lot has changed. She married a mutual friend from high cool and has had a a little girl , but has since broken up with him due to irreconcilable differences and is now focussing on creating a life for her and her daughter. It sounds like it has made her a more stronger and independent woman,  which I think is great. I believe every woman should be. We laughed about the high school days of when I’d fall asleep in genre studies, the endless amount of trouble we’d end up in and how I would take the blame for it. We also spoke about the other girls and also what they’ve gone through. I won’t lie,  some of their stories took me by surprise. Some making making me laugh while others made me sad. I can honestly say I was not fond of high school,  but these girls did make it seem bearable, and for this I want only the best for them.

So yeah,  this post was originally about my first kiss and has turned out rather reflective. I guess it just makes me think when you share a first experience with someone, try not to forget the history that led to it.

Do not call me an advocate for homosexuality, it pisses me off!
A kaleidoscope with my thoughts.

Author: Chad St James

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