We’ve all been there at some point. Some more often than others. Call me a glutton for punishment or a cliché romantic, but I believe that your lover is ultimately just your best friend that you have sex with.
I don’t think I could date anyone that I couldn’t see myself friends with. Now that’s not to say I’m friends with all my exes. I just put that down to a series of “unfortunate events” or “When the shit hits the fan.” Love comes in many different forms and I guess as individuals we not only share different experiences of it, but the meaning of it varies from person to person. So in short I just write this from my own personal experience.
Here’s the thing, you meet someone and you make a really strong connection. And as time goes on, and in some cases so fast that you don’t even know where the time has disappeared to, you’re virtually inseparable. You enjoy their company. They make you laugh and smile. They make you feel safe.
Then there’s that moment that it hits you. They’re telling you something, it could be something as trivial as the prices of bananas in China, but you find yourself staring into their eyes a little longer than normal. The lingering stare that has lost you in a blur of emotion and thought. It’s like the hook that gets the fish, they have you and no matter how much you struggle you realise they have hooked you in deep.
In some cases there’s no sex involved. It’s a complete emotional attachment and a sense of companionship. Sometimes if sex is involved it’s easier. A load is blown and you move on. But it’s the emotions that are the worst. We’re not lucky to live like the vampires of The Vampire Diaries where you can just switch off your emotions. Life in general would be so much easier if that was the case.
For the time being, it all seems to work. Both of you seem to be getting something satisfying out of it. However sometimes the lines begin to blur. This could be for a variety of reasons. Maybe you guys think that you’re best friends and could rent out a place togther. That should be okay, shouldn’t it? That’s when things start to get a little more challenging.
If you don’t want drama, don’t ever move in with someone you think you might have or grow feelings for. That is unless you’re fine living like a monkey in a cage with a fat tasty banana just millimetres away from its grasp. Due to the closeness shared between the two of you and now the addition of sharing a place that you both call home, you find yourselves living a bit like a married couple, only without the sex. Like a bad sitcom.
While it can be a nice feeling at times and the two of you even joke about it, it still doesn’t silence the feeling within you, longing for more.
You’re in the ‘Friend Zone’, and you tell yourself you’re still okay with that, because you’d rather have them your life than not at all. But if you ever did really like them to begin with, you’re kidding yourself if you think your emotions and feelings can suddenly disappear.
Soon the friend in question throws a spanner in the works – they find an object of their own affection. Suddenly a friendship that seemed good enough is slightly brushed to the side for something new. I think this is where the strain is really put on the friendship. Things get taken for granted. As the friend goes on about their new beau, you’re kinda left with a feeling of not good enough (even if it only lasts a couple of days because they meet off Grindr and realise there isn’t that much of a connection other then the one made via the penis and bum).
They will complain that they can’t meet anyone, or they discuss what they’re looking for in a relationship, and in some cases they virtually describe you down to a “T.” But yet you find yourself feeling invisible as they continue in their quest to find either Mr Right or Mr Right Now.
Yes, the red flag pops up and waves furiously. Part of you feels that you need to get out and deal with the unrequited love.
It’s kind of like Jake Gyllenhaal saying to Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain: “I wish I knew how to quit you.” You cherish their company, the many emotions and feelings that they somehow bring into your life, and because of this, you struggle to say goodbye to it.
There’s a point you come to when you have to decide if you love them enough to have them in your life, or do you love them that much that you have to let them go.
Yes, the cliché romantic might scream out and say “throw it to the winds,” and let the unknown fates decide whether you will be anything more than just friends.
Either way, something has to give. Whether words are exchanged or not, it’s important to remember self preservation, and that your heart only gets hurt as much as you let it.
I have a certain friends that I could see myself growing old with, sitting on the front porch watching the world go by and reflecting on times passed. And honestly, I’d be completely fine with that.
So sometimes I can’t help but wonder, who needs a lover when I have friends like these?
Perhaps I might be destined to be single for the rest of my life, but than again that might not be so bad.