As a few of you are aware, I’ve finally uploaded ‘Becoming Chad St. James’ to my youtube channel. The documentary was originally an assignment for my film and television course, and in the process of making it, I soon discovered it was going to be about more then just my choice of wanting to change my name. I found myself taking a good look at my past and the events that moulded me into who I am today. Recently I’ve been doing some serious life re-evaluating and have come to a few conclusions of my own.
I’ve found myself realising that I’m just plain tired with trying to be someone for everyone else and putting up fronts. As you see in the film “I’ve been so many people I lost myself.” I’ve really had to to take a good look at myself, the things I can change and more importantly the things I can’t, that being my past. For so long I lived this fantasy world thinking that I could forget about my past. The problem was our past is what makes us, while it is our actions that define us.
I’m now at a point where I am having to brush aside those old habits of putting up fronts, my past has made me and my actions have and will forever continue to define me. Right now my life feels like a box of puzzle pieces and I’m working out how they individually all fit together to make the larger picture.
‘Becoming Chad St. James’ was just an assignment that grew into something so much more, it was probably one of the most therapeutic things I have ever undertaken in my life. I was surprised when it was chosen to be screened at the 2011 West End Film Festival, and was even more surprised when it won both the Judge’s and People’s choice at the Tropical Alternative Film Festival short film competition. Since the films completion it has had over 10 screenings and the feedback has been so encouraging, one of things that have often been said is that it is a story that should be shared, but in the back of my mind I really questioned should it be?
Without sounding self indulged a lot of people know my face, but they don’t actually know me. I’ve had a few little revelations lately, sometimes it takes being completely broken to put things in perspective, because of this I now feel ready share this with the rest of the world. Am I nervous? Yes, but I feel by doing this, I’m putting down all my fronts where I can now finally say,
“This is who I am.”
I hope my story encourages you. Remember to accept and be yourself!
Embrace being the best “you” that you can be, because no-one will ever be able to pull it off as perfectly as you!