A collage of thoughts
I feel there is something ahead, there is this part of me that longs to make a difference, bring change and count for something. There’s feelings… but I remain invisible. When one has so many throwing themselves at one’s feet, how do you show them that you are different? How do you show that it is not their looks that has you, but what is inside their head and heart? My lips will remain forever sealed, there’s a sense of vulnerability that I just cannot bare to face, and sometimes some things are best left unsaid. Requited or not, the question shall go unanswered.
A new project finds myself dwelling deeper into my past and how I chose to deal with it, while sharing similar stories from people that I know. When does the heart stop hurting, when do you finally move on, but most of all where does one find closure. Hearing some of the other stories that have been shared, I’ve found myself so angry, not so much at the world, but at people and how certain people in specific can make selfish choices that forever effects a path that one will walk down for the rest of their lives. Thinking of this why do I find it easier to be open about most things, but when faced with matters of the heart, I am a box tightly locked with an iron padlock that lost the key in the wilderness of a forgotten time. I try to track it down, but instead I find a valley, a forest and an empty dust filled room.
As of late, my heart has longed for a mother and son who mean more to me then my own flesh and blood. Though it may only be a matter of months before I see them again, my mind wonders of how my own mother is doing, this only lasts for a brief moment as the assuring thought “some people are best not being part of your life” cements itself in my mind like a pounding jackhammer. That door slammed shut nearly three years ago.
The sense of moving forward swallows me like the great flood, embrace the current, enjoy the ride, but watch out for the protruding life shattering rocks, and even more so watch out for what hidden dangers lay beneath the surface. Hope, dreams and faith in the impossible are my armour, sword and shield. I shall fight for my happiness, because there is no Plan B, fail does not exist in the realm of dreams and hopes, only the horizon and what else is beyond.